CHAPTER XIV.

THE morning after Mrs. Ruthven's departure, Catharine was called an hour earlier than heretofore, and began that examination of her own heart, which she had determined should be the first occupation of each day; but she scarcely knew where, or how to begin. She knelt down with the Bible open before her, and became overpowered with a kind of awe quite new to her. "How very serious is this occupation!" thought she, when she recollected Mrs. Ruthven's description of the manner in which Dunallan's mother had performed it. She had examined every motive and desire of her heart, as if in the presence of her Creator. Catharine attempted to do the same. She read, and prayed that she might understand. She reflected on her past life, and compared it with what she knew of the precepts of Christianity, and she saw, that in that pure light it appeared only a succession of trifling pursuits, and a continued indulgence in all that her heart desired, without any reference to the Being who demanded the first place in that heart. She rose from her knees humbled and dejected; and, for some days, though she persevered in her morning task, yet she felt no increase of happiness; on the contrary, she was at times really miserable. Gradually, however, as she became more acquainted with scripture, she perceived that peace of mind did not consist in ignorance

of the strictness it required, as she had been tempted to think, when, on comparing her heart and life with its demands, she found, that the more she knew them, the more was she convinced that she never could perform them. She had said to herself repeatedly, "No human creature can; the sincere attempt must be all that is required" but she could not rest satisfied with this conclusion, because she could find no satisfactory answer to the question which necessarily followed, "Why were rules so impracticable given to direct us?" But as she read on, in simple earnestness of mind, the Christian system opened more fully to her understanding. She read Dunallan's short sketch of its outlines with the deepest attention she conversed freely with Mrs. Oswald, who greatly assisted her in this search after truth. Catharine's was not a mind that could acquiesce submissively in remaining ignorant on any subject that had once excited her curiosity: and on one of such vast importance as that which now occupied her thoughts, she sought information with unwearied ardour, and she gradually, but clearly and convincingly, discovered the meaning of those parts of scripture which had at first led her to despair of ever truly becoming a Christian.

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"Ah! my dear Mrs. Oswald," said she, one evening after a deeply interesting conversation with that lady, "how well I now comprehend that passage which you have so often attempted to make me attend to in vain, while I was in despair at my own weakness, and the strictness of the precepts of scripture. I now see that these pure precepts, that strict law, is intended as a schoolmaster to bring us to Christ,' without

whom we cannot perform one of its dictates in a right spirit. You at last said, my dear Mrs. Oswald, my true, best friend, that experience alone, my own experience, must teach me this; and you said most truly indeed. I see all with a clearness that surprises myself. I see that we require an atonement for our past lives, and for the evil that still pollutes the hearts and actions of the most perfect. I feel that we require a new heart before we can see this, or be disposed to ask power to obey the will of God."

"Yes, my dear love," replied Mrs. Oswald, "my prayers for you, Edward's prayers for you, have been answered. How will he rejoice to know, that you have thus earnestly, thus perseveringly, sought that which it was the first desire. of his heart you should obtain."

Catharine sighed deeply, "He would scarcely believe the reality, my dear madam, if he saw how little influence it has upon me."

Mrs. Oswald smiled, "He would be satisfied, my love, if he saw you, as I see you, struggling against your natural temper and acquired habits."

Catharine had, indeed, for some time been struggling constantly against the most powerful and confirmed of all her habits, which was a total indifference to all around her, excepting, perhaps, the individual or two who might, among numbers, excite some interest in her feelings. She had been so long accustomed to be courted and amused by all, that she absolutely forgot the presence of those who did not in some manner excite her attention by their superior powers of pleasing. A slight hint of this from Mrs. Oswald had pointed it out to her attention, and made it one of the subjects of her morning scrutiny. VOL. I. 26

Ever since her conversation with Mrs. Ruthven, Catharine had obliged herself to invite those who visited her either to remain or return; and very soon her house became the favourite resort of the younger females of the county. Catharine was the idol of the day; but this afforded her no gratification, because she valued very little the admiration or affection of those with whom she associated, from a sense of duty. Mrs. Oswald's hint, however, led her to examine into the cause of this want of interest in her young fellow-creatures; and this examination led her to discover many hitherto unsuspected faults in her heart and temper. She watched these with increasing care, and her improvement was proportionably rapid, and, consequently, her internal tranquillity increased in an equal degree. Instead of that lassitude and want of interest which hitherto had, at times, accompanied all her pursuits and all her pleasures, she now felt a degree of interest and enjoyment quite new to her. She lived to her Creator, and she felt that peace, and sweet gaiety of heart, which can exist only where all the feelings and passions of the soul are subjected to the influence of religion. One severe disappointment during this period, had taught her that religion is not a guide only, but also a source of the sweetest consolation. Elizabeth had found it impossible to come to Arnmore. Her husband's professional duties had called him to London, and for various reasons it was proper she should accompany him. Catharine felt this disappointment severely, but one still more trying now awaited her. The time arrived at which Dunallan had led her to expect she would hear from him, and no letter came. Catharine became more anxious

every day, every hour, though Mrs. Oswald discovered many plausible reasons for the delay. At last Catharine received a letter from Walderford, informing her that he had heard from Dunallan, and thought it possible his letters might have reached him before Catharine received hers. Dunallan was well, and succeeding even beyond his hopes in the object of his mission; at least all promised fair; and he hoped he should be able to return home much sooner than he had expected. Walderford had transcribed the passageDunallan called it "his delightful home."

Catharine returned thanks to heaven, with the most heartfelt gratitude, for this relief from anxiety; for she had been unable to restrain her imagination from picturing every thing dreadful that could have befallen Dunallan.

Still, however, day passed away after day, and week after week, and no letter from Dunallan either to Catharine or Mrs. Oswald. Another letter from Mr. Walderford announced his having again heard from Dunallan-still well and successful, but extremely occupied, even harassed with business. "But," added Mr. Walderford in his letter," Dunallan, I have reason to hope, may now return to England in a few months."

Catharine still felt grateful to heaven for the preservation of his health; but the certainty that Dunallan had, at least, become indifferent to her, required all her fortitude to support.

Still another letter to Mr. Walderford, and none to Catharine or Mrs. Oswald.

Mrs. Oswald had herself at last ceased to account for his silence, and looked grave and anxious. She had written constantly to Dunallan, and had described her own and Catharine's dis