8. So my old fears of Hell rofe in me, as it did formerly, when a Puritan.

9. So I began to reafon in myfelf, what I fhould do to efcape being Damn'd to Eternity, for I dreaded the Thoughts of Eternity; for I did not fo much mind to be Saved, as I did to escape being Damn'd.

10. For I thought, if I could but lie ftill in the Earth for ever, it would be as well with me, as it would be if I were in eternal Happiness; for I believed the Soul was Mortal many Years before, which Belief yielded me much Peace of Mind, and was in Hope God would never raise me again.

11. For I did not care whether I was Happy, fo I might not be Miferable. I car'd not for Heaven fo I might not go to Hell; but I could not be fure I fhould go to Heaven, nor certain I should efcape Hell, which was a great perplexity to my Mind, not knowing which Way to help myfelf out of God's Hands.

12. Now this place of Scripture of Paul in the Romans, preffed hard upon me, What if God willingly make thee a Veffel of Wrath, fitted for Deftruction. And that faying, What art Thou, O Man, that replyeft against God?

13. Shall the Thing that is formed, fay unto him that formed it, Why baft thou made me thus! And that saying, Shall not the Potter bave Power over the Clay, of the fame Lump, to make one Veffel to Honour, and another to Dishonour.

14. These things preffed hard upon my Soul, even to the wounding of it. Then I replyed against this, and faid in my Heart, That God did feem to be more cruel than Man, for Man made Veffels of Honour and Dishonour of dead, senseless Clay, that is neither capable of Honour por Dishonour; nor capable of Pain, nor of Mifery; nor.of Joy or Happiness : Oh! that I had been as the Clay I tread upon, rather than a living Man.

15. But God made Veffels of Wrath, to bear eternal Torments, of living fenfible Creatures, not giving any Reafon why;

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why; but it was his prerogative Will fo to do, and who shall hinder him.

16. The Apprehenfion of this funk deep into my Heart, and brought forth deep Sighs and Groans.

17. And it was answered me again, faying, that God hath a prerogative Power above, and over all Life, because he gave Life to Man, and all Creatures elfe. And as a Man hath a prerogative Power over dead Clay, fo hath God a prerogative Power over all Life, to make what Life he will a Veffel of Wrath, for the manifeftation of his own Power and Glory.

18. For if all Life were made to be happy, or all Mankind fav'd, then where would God's Honour appear; but because the greatest part of Mankind are made Veffels of Wrath to bear eternal Torments; therefore it is that God's Redeemed Ones fhall praise him.

19. So that there is a particular People to be fav'd, but my Fear was, that I was none of the Redeem'd.

20. And it was faid within me, doft thou confider the Nature of a prerogative Power, that is above all Law; who fhall difpute with a prerogative Power that is above all Law, and can do what it will with living Creatures, even as the Potter doth what he will with the dead Clay.

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CHA P. XI.

The Prophet's further Reasoning in himself, how hardly God dealt with him; and of his Reasoning against Adam: And shews how a contrary Seed, or Voice in him, repell'd bis Argument.

HEN I confider'd this, I wifhed in myself I had never been Born, than had I not been fenfible neither of Joy nor Sorrow; I did not fo much feek after Heaven as to be freed from Hell,

2. Again,

2. Again, I Reasoned in myself, wishing that I had Died in my Infancy: I thought, if I were a Veffel of Wrath, my Torments would be the lefs, than now I am grown to maturity of Age.

3. But the Anfwer faid to this, though thy Torment be lefs than Others, yet it is Eternal. This Eternity ftruck a deep Fear in me, which made me almost despair.

4. Again I Reafoned in myfelf, faying in my Thoughts, that God dealt fomething hardly with me, that he fhould fave" Adam, which brought me and all Mankind into this Condemnation; fo that I must be damned for original Sin, which I received from my firft Parents.

5. And that God fhould fave him that brought me into this Condition, and condemn me that could no way avoid it, neither by Prayer towards God, nor by Righteoufnefs towards Man.

6. So that right or wrong, I must be damn'd by God's prerogative Will, and which Way to help myfelf I could not tell.

7. Then I reafoned in my Heart with Anger against Adam, faying within my felf, God made him upright, and gave him Power to ftand, but he did not; but did fall from that Innocency and Uprightness, and fo corrupted his Seed: And so by this means do I come to be Damned.

8. Then was I answered in myfelf, as it were with a Voice without me, faying, How wilt thou help thyfelf if God will fave Adam and condemn thee? fhall not a prerogative Power do what he will?

9. Then was brought to my Mind that faying, Jacob have I loved, and Efau have I hated; before the Children had done either Good or Evil: that the Purpofe of God, according to Election, might ftand: So that it is not of him that willeth, nor him that runneth, but God that fheweth Mercy on whom he. will have Mercy; and whom he will he hardeneth.

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In this I faw, that a prerogative Power and Will of God, is not to be contended with.

11. These Scriptures and Arguments upon them, come fo powerfully upon my Spirit, that my Heart failed me, and my Hope begun to turn to Despair.

С НА Р. XII.

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The Prophet raifeth Arguments more, to give him fome Hope that be might efcape Hell; but another motional Voice gave Answer, which quite fruftrated all bis Hopes again.

1.

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FTER a while I recovered another Argument or two, which I thought might give me fome Hope to efcape Hell: Which was this, I faid in my Heart, There can be no Hell till the Day of Judgment, and except God doth raise me and Others again, I cannot be Damned; hoping there would be no Resurrection at all, then should I lie ftill in the Earth for ever.

2. Then Anfwer was made me to this: Doft thou think that God would be fo unrighteous as to deceive Abraham, laac, and Jacob, Mofes and the Prophets, and Apoftles, and all righteous Men that Believed and put their Truft in God, in hope of the Refurrection? And if God doth not raise them again, then God hath made them fuffer great Sufferings, and loss of the Lives of many of them, in hope of the Life to come, and of the Reward hereafter; which if there be no Refurrection of the Dead after this natural Death.

3. And if God doth not raise them again, they cannot enjoy any fuch thing as eternal Happiness. Then to what Purpofe did God fpeak thefe Words, and make fuch glorious Promises to Abraham, Ifaac, and Jacob, and to the Prophets. and Apostles.

4. That he would be the God of Abraham, the God of Ifaac, and the God of Jacob; for God is not the God of the Dead, but of the Living, for all live unto him.

5. For faid I, in my Heart, if God do not raise Abraham, Ifaac, and Jacob again in the Refurrection, then perhaps God may not raife me, which would have gladed my Heart, that I could have been fure God would never have raised the Dead.

6. But the Answer faid to me, That God is powerful, and hath Power to fulfil his Promife he hath made unto Man, in that he can, and will raise Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and the reft, at the laft Day, and will give them the Inheritance he promised them in this Life. Confider, faid the motional Voice, what an infinite, prerogative Power can do.

7. Because God doth not raife the Dead daily, as he doth other vifible Wonders: And in this vifible Creation thou doft think that God cannot raife the Dead when they are turn'd to Duft, because thou never didst read he did.

8. But this know, that God can do that which he never did, when his time appointed is come: For there is a neceffity that God fhould raife the Dead; and that there is a Day, or Time prefixed in God's Will, which none knoweth; no, not the Angels in Heaven, but himself only.

9. Alfo the Refurrection of the Dead is the laft great Work God hath to do; and he hath Power to do this his laft Work, to put an end to this World, as he had Power to Create this World, and make a Beginning of it.

10. So that God will perform his Promise in the Resurrection to all the Righteous, in that he will give them everlafting Life in another Kingdom above the Stars, and he will execute that Damnation upon the Seed of the Serpent, wicked, unbelieving, perfecuting Reprobates, here upon this Earth, where they acted all their Wickednefs to Eternity.

11. And that none that have loft their Lives for his Promise fake, but it fhall be given them Life everlasting that Day; which if God do not raise them again, then is he the God of the Dead, and not of the Living.

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Then was Abrabam, Ifaac, and Jacob their Faith vain the Prophets and the Apostles Faith vain, and their Condition,

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