II.

And I used all the Arguments of Reafon I could for it, because I had a great defire to be Rich, and confidering I was engaged to this Maid, and that her Mother would not let me have her to Wife, except I would keep a Broker'sShop and lend Money, so that I was in great ftrait, and much perplexed in Mind.

12. For I lov'd the Maid, and defired to be Rich, but thefe Puritan People being well versed in the Scripture Words, and zealous for Righteousness, threatened great Judgments, and danger of Damnation hereafter.

13. They overpowered my natural Knowledge, and civil Practices in me, and made me afraid of eternal Damnation; and they preffed the Scriptures fo hard upon me, which exceedingly perplexed my Mind, reafoning in myfelf, that if I did lend Money upon Ufury and Extortion, I fhould be Damned; and if I would not, then I fhould not have the Maid to Wife.

14. So that the love of the Maid, and the fear of the lofs of my Soul did ftruggle within me, and dispute within me like two diftinct Spirits, even as a Woman in Travail with two natural Sons in the Womb, fo that I was in a great ftrait which I fhould cleave unto.

15. So after much difpute and reafoning in myfelf, it came to this refult, I confidered the Riches of this World, and the Love I had to the Maid, and I weighed it in my Mind, and was loath to forfake it.

16. Then I confider'd my Soul was of more Value, and what would it avail me to be Rich in this World for a Moment, and to loofe my Soul, for I was extremely fearful of 'eternal Damnation; thinking my Soul might go into Hell Fire without a Body, as all People did at that time.

17. And after much ftruggling in my Mind, I came to this refolution in myfelf, that rather than I would loofe my Soul, or be damned to Eternity, I would loofe the Maid:

And

And that way that would have made me Rich, and that I would be zealous of the Law of God, as afterwards I was.

18. Here the two Seeds of Faith and Reafon did work in me, but I knew them not by Name nor Nature at that time, nor many Years after.

19. But as I did fear, it came to pafs, for the Maid's Mother feeing my Mind fo changed, and fo zealous of the Laws of the Scriptures, and that I would not keep that way, as I thought to do before,

20. She would not let her Daughter have me to her Husband, fo the Maid was perfwaded by her Mother.

21. And my Zeal to fave my Soul, perfwaded my Mind to let her go, fo we parted.

22. Thus I forfook the World and a Wife, which I lov'd in the days of my Ignorance, for Zeal to the Law of God, which I thought to be Truth, and the true Way, and so it was.

23. But I did not know it till many Years after; but the Lord God of Truth had Respect unto my Perfon and Zeal at that time, and prevented me from falling into that Snare of being rich in this World.

The Prophet fhews his Care, bis Fear, and Zeal in the Law of God, and of the working of his Thoughts, and heighth of the Puritan Religion.

1.

S O after I had parted with the Maid, and that way that did offend my Confcience, I was refolved to live fo upright to the Law of God, and fo juft between Man and Man, that I thought in time I might procure Favour with God, and to attain affurance of my Salvation.

2. For I was fully poffeft that there was really Salvation to be attained unto by my Righteoufnefs; and that there was a real Damnation to all thofe that were unrighteous, or did not demean themselves fo ftrictly as I did.

3. For I was exceedingly fearful of Hell and eternal: Damnation: The very Thoughts of it made my Spirit many times fail within me.

4. But by Prayer, and my Righteous Practices, I did many times recover fome Hope and Peace again.

5. All this while I did fuppofe my Soul might go into. Hell without a Body; and that Millions of Souls were in Hell Fire without Bodies; and that the Devil being a Bodily Spirit, did torment thofe Souls that came there, and that the Devil had Liberty to come out of Hell to tempt People here on Earth, and go there again; but no Soul that he had gotten: there could come out of Hell more.

6. These things wrought in my Mind exceeding great Fear, and ftir'd me up to a more exceeding Righteousness of Life, thinking thereby that my Righteous Life would have caft out those tormenting Fears, but it did not.

7. Yet, notwithstanding, I did continue in my Zeal, and ̧ was earnest in the Puritant Religion and Practice; neither. did I know how to find Reft any where elfe; neither did I hear any Preach in thofe Days but the Puritan Minifters, whofe Hair was cut short.

8. For if a Man with long Hair had gone into the Pulpit to Preach, I would have gone out of the Church again, tho' he might Preach better than the other.

9. But we Puritans being Pharifaically minded, were zealous of outward Appearance, and of outward Behaviour, for we minded that more than their Doctrine.

10. For we took it for granted, that God was a Spirit without a Body, and that Chrift Jefus his Son had a Body in Form like Man; and that he did Mediate to God his Father,

who

who was a Spirit without a Body, and that for Chrift's Sake; this Spirit without a Body, did hear us, and speak Peace

unto us.

II. Alfo I believed that the Devil was a Spirit without a Body, and could afcend out of Hell, when God did give him Leave, and fuggeft evil Thoughts of Luft, Theft, Murder, and Blafphemy against God; not thinking that these Thoughts and Motions did arife out of Man's own Heart, but from a Devil, a Spirit without a Body, without Man.

12. Alfo I thought, thofe Souls which God did fave, were carried up to Heaven without Bodies, and fhould be with God, who was a Spirit without a Body; and that we should fee Chrift Jefus in Heaven, with his Body, with our Spirits that were faved without Bodies, till the Refurrection, and thenBody and Soul should be United together again.

13. Alfo we did believe, that the wicked Spirits should. be caft into Hell Fire without Bodies; where the Devil and his Angels, being Spirits without Bodies, fhould torment the Souls of the Wicked till the Day of Refurrection; and then those wicked Souls fhould be United to their Bodies again, and be tormented Body and Soul together, with the Devil and his Angels, who were Spirits without Bodies in Hell Fire for ever and ever.

14. And we did believe that the Angels of God were Miniftring Spirits without Bodies, as God was a Spirit without a Body, fo were they, and could minifter Comforts unto Men without Bodies.

15. And we did believe our own Souls to be Immortal, and could not Die, but did fubfift the good Spirits with God in Heaven without Bodies; and the wicked Souls did fubfist in Hell without Bodies.

16. These were fome of the Fundamental Principles of Faith and Religion, we zealous Puritans did believe and practice; and there is no better Faith in the World, to this Day, in the generality of Profeffors of Religion.

17. Thefe

in

17. These things was I very well verfed in, and I grew great Experience and Knowledge in the Letter of the Scriptures, and had a good Gift of Prayer, and was very ftrong in Difputes, becaufe my Mind was extremely perplexed with the fear of Hell, notwithstanding my exact Life to the Letter of the Law.

18. But the fear of Hell wrought in me much Experience, fo that I did exceed feveral other Men in that Knowledge which was in thofe Days; and tho' I was judged a very godly knowing Man, and a happy Man by Others, yet I could not judge fo of myself, but the fear of Hell was oft rifing up in

me.

19. For I never conceited well of my own Knowledge, but thought the Knowledge of other Men did far exceed me, because they seemed to be better fatisfied in their Minds than I' was.

20. Yet I thought in myfelf, that in time, by my Prayers and Righteousnefs, and exact Walking, and hearing of Preaching, that I might heal that Wound in my Soul which was made, and I knew not for what.

21. For I never had committed any Sin that I knew of, that did trouble my Conscience.

22. Yet the fear of Hell produced many deep Sighs and Groans, even from the bottom of my Heart, for fear God had made me a Reprobate before I was Born, because he did not answer my Prayers, nor fpeak Peace to my Soul; notwithftanding my earnest Defires and Zeal for him, I knew not at that Time.

23. Yet many times I had great Refreshments of Soul, and as I thought, Communion with God, whereby my Hope was increased for a Seafon, but it was quickly loft again; fo that the Troubles of my Mind did continue ftill many Years.

24. Yet at fome times I had Elevafions in my Mind, and Raptures of Joy, that I thought I should never be moved again.

25. But