صور الصفحة
PDF
النشر الإلكتروني

experience the varieties and vicissitudes of the Christian life, but must acknowledge the Lord has been wonderful in his dealings and dispensations. I feel and lament many unworthy thoughts rising in my wicked heart, but the searcher of it knows whence they come, and will not permit me to indulge them, nor lay them to my charge; I wish to be freed from them, and regret that ever I should be harassed with them: My prayer is, “ Lord, lead me to thyself, and fill my heart with feelings of love, gratitude, and joy; cause me to inherit substance, and do thou fill my treasures." I am drawing near the end of my life and labours, and it were only desirable to conclude them with much of the divine presence, and many anticipations of the joy which is set before me, "until the day break, and the shadows flee away; turn, my beloved." Amen.

Tranent, Nov. 12, 1818.-This day was kept as a day of thanksgiving; it was also considered as preceding the sacrament of the supper on Sabbath first. Felt, I hope, some glow of gratitude in my heart to the hearer of prayer, and some power of affection in addressing the Father of mercies. But alas! feeble, and languid, and much straitened, in a short discourse on these words, "Be ye thankful." Experiences of this kind. teach me humility, self-diffidence, and dependence, not on my own preparations, but on the grace that is in Christ Jesus. To this grace I must look, and in the faith and hope of it I will yet go on, not doubting the faithful promiser, who hath said, " "Fear not, I am God Almighty, walk before me." I find it difficult to believe, and am ready to say, "How long wilt thou, O Lord, hide thyself for ever; remember how short my time is: wherefore hast thou made all

[ocr errors]

men in vain? where are thy loving kindnesses?" But I must consider that God is a God of judgment, and that the most eminent of the household of faith have had to hope against hope; not staggering at the promise of God, but judging him faithful, thus let me calculate and pray, Lord, increase my faith." I need now an increased faith, and will seek it, and hope for it, that in the exercise of it I may wait on the Lord with patience, serve him with gladness, and adhere to him with constancy and perseverance. As at this time, I feel often weak and oppressed, but the Lord, I trust, will be my helper, and the glory of my strength; and thus aided, the worm I know will thresh a mountain, the lame take the prey, and the feeble become as David, and David as an angel. I add, be it unto me according to my faith, and may my faith be so invigorated that the glory of the Lord may rest upon me, and diffuse itself all around me, visible to others, and felt by myself.

Tranent, Nov. 14, 1818. Saturday.-I doubt not the reality of grace where there are many fears and much heaviness; it has been so with thousands before me, it is, alas! often so with myself. But why art thou cast down? look unto the Lord, be strong in his grace, and confident in his word; remember how on former occasions he hath heard, and helped, and delivered, and put a new song into my mouth; and why should I entertain jealousies and suspicions to the dishonour of my God, and the disquietude of my. self? It is true I have been in weakness, and in fear, and in much trembling; and is it not wisely ordered, lest I should forget myself, and confide in an arm of flesh? Of this I am afraid, and hope the Lord will

direct me to put my trust in him alone. My Christian and ministerial experience unite in enforcing upon me humility, self-diffidence, and prayer; and thus taught, I will rejoice in the Lord, and hope to see his goodness in the land of the living: "Said I not unto thee, that if thou wilt believe, thou shalt see the glory of the Lord; if thou wilt not believe, surely thou shalt not be established." How often do I vex myself in vain-wherefore am I careful and troubled ? -let not relative cares distract me-God is the guide and the guard of his saints, and will watch over them in all places whithersoever they go-be not faithless, cast all thy cares on him that careth for thee. Amen.

Tranent, Nov. 30, 1818.-Saturday last, the 28th, was my birth-day. Hurried then with the immediate prospect of the Sabbath, I would mention now more at leisure the goodness of God in preserving me so long in life, and express the desire of my heart that the time which may yet remain for me may be still devoted to the honour and glory of my preserver and Redeemer. I am sensible of increasing infirmities, and may anticipate my approaching dissolution; but whatever may be the divine will concerning me, it is the desire of my heart that I may be enabled to glorify God, and to finish the work which he hath given me to do. I know his cause will flourish, and his interests will be promoted, when I am silent in the grave; but hope he will not disown one who desires to fear his name, and to advance his glory. Such is the principle within me, a principle which will not be frustrated, and cannot be extinguished. I thought it remarkable that the lecture on Sabbath came to be in the beginning of the third chapter of Job, giving an

The

account of that holy man cursing the day of his birth, &c. as if warning me against a similar error. Lord is good. Amen.

Tranent, Jan. 4, 1819. Monday.-O to grace how great a debtor! Reviewing the texts and sermons of the preceding year, the mercies, personal and domestic, and congregational, I must say, "truly God is good." Thinking of his patience and forbearance, what a mercy I am not cut down as a cumberer of the ground, or thrust from the pulpit into the pit. My heart's desire, I hope, is, "that whether I live, I may live unto the Lord, or whether I die, I may die unto the Lord; and that living or dying I may be the Lord's." Text yesterday, Rom. xiv. 8. The Lord enable me to act upon it, to make his word the rule, his work the business, and his glory the end of my life; then dying resigned to the will of the Lord, commending my spirit into his hand, speaking to his praise, and longing to be with himself: this is my request, and, I trust, will be in some measure my attainment during this year, or what time, more or less, he is pleased to spare me. Amen. To this I must add my memorial of acknowledgment, and endeavour to make it, in the import of the word Ebenezer, unto me, not unto me, but to the Lord be all the glory." Concerning whom I would say,

"I'll speak the honour of his name
With my last labouring breath;

And, speechless, clasp him in my arms,—
The antidote of death."

"not

Well, fear not, "I am God Almighty-I will not fail thee nor forsake thee-lo, I am with you." Amen.

Tranent, Jan. 9, 1819. Saturday.—I must, and, I hope, I do admire the sovereignty of the divine goodness to me and my family-young and healthy, and all are spared but one, who died in infancy: now the oldest above twenty, and the youngest turned seven years of age, and still kept in life, and in general good health. Thanks be to God for domestic blessings, that neither the boy nor any of the young women are cut off by death, nor languishing on a bed of sickness: may he who preserves them sanctify and bless them, and continue to keep his good hand about them. This day a brother on the west of us is laying his eldest daughter in the dust, a young woman of amiable dispositions, of good education, and, I hope, of true religion, cut off after a short illness, to the great grief of her parents, with whom I cordially sympathise, and pray that God may be better unto them than many such children. Owing to my feebleness, and the season of the year, I thought it inadvisable, and next to impracticable, for me to attend the funeral. She is now numbered with the dead-perhaps I may be nextbe it so; the Lord give me clear views of the King in his beauty, and of the land that is afar off.

Tranent, Feb. 6, 1819. Saturday.-Yesterday felt very uncomfortable, unhinged both in body and mind; to-day much relieved, and can, I think, rejoice in hope. The Lord will not cast off his people, nor forsake his inheritance. The impressions of weakness and worthlessness on my mind are habitual, but the worthiness of the Lamb is a balance, and a ground of hope that I shall not be forgotten. No; my desire is, that the Lord may be my strength, my shield, and my exceeding great reward; that my heart may be lifted up in the ways of the Lord, comforted and es

« السابقةمتابعة »