that was high, and opposite to his pure fpirit; in which day my wanderings from him, the Shepherd of Ifrael, were brought to my remembrance, and my fins fet in order before me; which wrought great humiliation and brokenness of heart, with strong cries to him, that he would graciously pafs by my tranfgreffions, and receive me into covenant with himfelf. And although this difpenfation was not agree, able to degenerated nature, which, like Adam when he had tranfgreffed, feeks to evade the condemnation; yet, because of the glory which I was favoured to difcover beyond it, and the divine love which I faw therein, I said, in the fecret of my foul," It is good "for me to be under it ;" and I was made willing patiently to abide the judgments of the Lord for fin, in order that I might witness remiffion thereof through the baptifm of repentance, and the fanctifying life or spirit of his Son Jefus Chrift. And this mercy, in the appointed feafon of infinite wisdom, I experienced; fo that my paft tranfgreffions were blotted out of the book of remembrance, upon the terms of my future fteady perfeverance in the fear of God; and in the fenfible exaltation of the attribute of divine mercy over judgment, my foul rejoiced with humble thankfulnefs. Yet as when the children of Ifrael were delivered out of Egypt, and travelled through the wildernefs, they had there new trials of various kinds to encounter, infomuch that they thought their fufferings rather increased than dimi nished, and frequently feared perishing in that defert

land;

land; fo, being now relieved from the oppreffive weight of paft actual tranfgreffion, and travelling after the faints promised inheritance, which is a ftate of establishment in righteousness, I had to pass, to the attainment thereof, through many deep baptifms and exercifes of faith and patience. I was now brought into my own heart, which, by reason of the irregularity of its paffions and inclinations, might well be compared to an uncultivated wildernefs; through which I must travel, and wherein I must receive the law for the ordering of my outward conduct: and O! the feafons of hunger and thirst, the toffings and perplexities, the "thunder"ings, lightnings, and tempefts," which feemed to threaten destruction, which I had to pafs through in that day, are to be had in everlasting remembrance; with thanksgiving to that divine hand which preferved me from being fo far difmayed at them as to look back with a defire to return to that country, or ftate, from which I had happily escaped. The adverfary here transformed himfelf as into an angel of light, and, under the fpecious appearance of righteousness, reprefented the way fo ftrait, that it was impoffible to walk therein and act as a rational being; thereby endeavouring to difcourage me, or `prevent my attaining to the true gospel liberty, in the ufe of the creatures, and the courfe of my conduct. Indeed, in this feafon of deep diftrefs, both the "earth and heavens were fhaken;" fome of those religious principles, which I had received by educa

tion, were called in queftion; and I was left without any foundation of certainty refpecting them; nor could I attain to it by the teftimony of others, or the writings of fuch as had vindicated them to the world; being to receive my convincement of them, from the deep ground of divine revelation.

All which I have feen was neceffary to fit me for the fervice which was appointed me; that the founda tions of my faith might be laid in certainty, and that I might be able to teftify with boldness, that I had experienced what I afferted to be the truth; and be alfo fuitably qualified to fympathize with, and minister to, fuch as were in the like ftates. I faw early for what station I was defigned in Chrift's church. This manifeftation of the divine will, my foul received with a good degree of refignation; nevertheless, until the Lord's time for putting me forth to fervice was come, I was frequently affaulted with fears, left it fhould be required of me at fuch times, and in fuch manners, as would be doubly hard to flesh and blood and the adverfary was very bufy with his presentations, intending thereby either to difpirit mind from pursuing its proper duty, or, by hurrying me into what had the appearance thereof, to bring me into confufion. But, in all thefe "voices "of the stranger," there was a want of that certainty, which I had concluded fhould attend fuch a discovery of the divine will, and which I was happily led to look for; and I was at length strengthened to covenant with the Almighty, that whenever

my

the

the evidence was clear and ftrong, I would fubmit thereto.

And here it may not be unprofitable to remark, that fome minds are more liable to be thus affected than others. Such as have a strong and quick imagination, and whofe hearts have been deeply affected .with the exceeding finfulness of fin, and of the love of God to mankind; whofe defires are strong, that the one might come to an end, and the other abound in the earth; it is difficult for thefe at all times (especially when young in religious experience) to keep the quiet habitation, wherein alone the voice of the true Shepherd is to be heard, and diftinguished from that of the ftranger's. But as the will becomes gradually refigned to that of God, and the imagination in its natural working filenced, and the foul comes more conftantly to worfhip in the Lord's temple; the adverfary in thefe falfe appearances is bound, or if fuffered to present them, there is ftrength acquired to ftand ftill and try the fpirits. This I have seen, in the light of truth, to be abfolutely neceffary before we move in the Lord's fervice; the want of which has been productive of much confufion, and administered cause of reproach on our high and holy profeflion, to fuch who are feeking for an occafion to lay wafte the belief in divine revelation.

But to return:-Being come to the aforefaid state of refignation, I waited quietly to difcern the puttings forth of the divine hand, in a state of earnest

prayer

prayer that I might not be fuffered to move before the proper time; which I have good ground to believe was heard and anfwered; and that from the motion of divine life I was conftrained to fupplicate the Almighty in our little meeting at Dudley, the tenth day of the Second month, 1748, being then newly entered the twenty-fecond year of my age. May fuch of the Lord's children, whom he appoints to the folemn important fervice of the miniftry, humbly and patiently wait to know when to move therein; as through neglect of it fome have ftept into it, before they have fully paffed through the difpenfation of preparation for it; and, if ever they have become strong in his fervice, they have continued long in a state of weakness. Yet let none defpife" the day of fmall things." A few words fpoken under divine direction, are often blessed to those to whom the Mafter of the folemn affemblies directs them.

I continued to minifter, as the Lord was pleased to give me ability, in great brokenness of heart, and for a time in but a few words; for great fear was upon my spirit left I fhould minifter in the wisdom of the creature, which ever brings death, and begets its like: and, in a sense of this danger, ftrong were my cries to the Almighty, that what I handed forth to the people might be unmixed, let it appear ever fo fimple or defpifable in the view of the worldly wife and learned. And as I then continued to move in fear and trembling, the Lord

was