coming in, in your playhouse liveries, to remove things -I wish that could be managed better. Enter a BEEfeater. Beef. Perdition catch my soul, but I do love thee! Sneer. Haven't I heard that line before? Puff. No, I fancy not. Where, pray? Dang. Yes, I think there is something like it in Othello. Puff. Gad, now you put me in mind on 't, I believe there is-but that's of no consequence-all that can be said is, that two people happened to hit on the same thought; and Shakespeare made use of it first, that's all. Sneer. Very true. Puff. Now, sir, your soliloquy-but speak more to the pit, if you please-the soliloquy always to the pitthat's a rule. Beef. Though hopeless love finds comfort in despair, It never can endure a rival's bliss! But soft-I am observed. [Exit Beefeater. Dang. That's a very short soliloquy. Puff. Yes, but it would have been a great deal longer if he had not been observed. Sneer. A most sentimental beefeater that, Mr. Puff. Puff. Harkye, I would not have you be too sure he is a beefeater. Sneer. What, a hero in disguise? Puff. No matter-I only give you a hint. But now for my principal character. Here he comes-Lord Burleigh in person! Pray, gentlemen, step this waysoftly-if he is but perfect! Enter BURLEIGH, goes slowly to a chair and sits. Sneer. Mr. Puff! Puff. Hush! Vastly well, sir! vastly well! a most interesting gravity! Dang. What, isn't he to speak at all? Puff. Egad, I thought you'd ask me that-yes, it is a very likely thing-that a minister in his situation, with the whole affairs of the nation on his head, should have time to talk! but hush! or you'll put him out. Sneer. Put him out; how the plague can that be, if he's not going to say anything? Puff. There's a reason; why his part is to think, and how the plague do you imagine he can think if you keep talking? Dang. That's very true, upon my word! [Burleigh comes forward, shakes his head, and exit. Sneer. He is very perfect indeed. Now, pray what did he mean by that? Puff. You dont take it? Sneer. No; I dont, upon my soul. Puff. Why, by that shake of the head, he gave you to understand, that even though they had more justice in their cause, and wisdom in their measures-yet, if there was not a greater spirit shown on the part of the people-the country would at last fall a sacrifice to the hostile ambition of the Spanish monarchy. Sneer. The devil! did he mean all that by shaking his head? Puff. Every word of it-If he shook his head as I taught him. Sneer. Oh, here are some of our old acquaintance. Enter HATTON and RALeigh. Sir C. My niece, and your niece too! By heaven! there's witchcraft in 't-He could not else Have gained their hearts-But see where they approach: Some horrid purpose lowering on their brows! Sir W. Let us withdraw and mark them. Sneer. What is all this? [They withdraw. Puff. Ah! here has been more pruning! but the fact is, these two young ladies are also in love with Don Whiskerandos. Now, gentlemen, this scene goes entirely for what we call situation and stage effect, by which the greatest applause may be obtained, without the assistance of language, sentiment, or character: pray mark! Enter the Two NIECES. First Niece. Ellena here! But see the proud destroyer of my peace. Revenge is all the food I've left. [A side. Sec. Niece. He comes, the false disturber of my quiet. Now vengeance do thy worst Enter WHISKERANDOS. [Aside. Whisk. Oh, hateful liberty-if thus in vain I seek my Tilburina! Both Nieces. And ever shalt! [Sir C. and Sir W. come forward.] Hold! we will avenge you. Whisk. Hold you-or see your nieces bleed [The two Nieces draw their two daggers to strike Whiskerandos, the two Uncles at the instant, with their two swords drawn, catch their two Nieces' arms, and turn the points of their swords to Whiskerandos, who immediately draws two daggers, and holds them to the two Nieces' bosoms.] Puff. There's a situation for you! there's an heroic group! You see the ladies cant stab Whiskerandoshe durst not strike them for fear of their uncles-the uncles durst not kill him because of their nieces. I have them all at a dead lock! for every one of them is afraid to let go first. Sneer. Why, then they must stand there for ever. Puff. So they would, if I hadn't a very fine contrivance for 't-Now mind Enter BEEFEATER, with his Halbert. Beef. In the Queen's name I charge you all to drop Your swords and daggers! [They drop their swords and daggers. Sneer. That is a contrivance indeed. Puff. Ay-in the Queen's name. Sir C. Come, niece! Sir W. Come, niece! [Exeunt with the two Nieces. Whisk. What's he, who bids us thus renounce our guard? Beef. Thou must do more-renounce thy love! Beef. Ha, hell! the lie! By heaven thou 'st roused the lion in my heart! [Discovers himself by throwing off his Am I a beefeater now? Or beams my crest as terrible as when Puff. There, egad! he comes out to be the very captain of the privateer who had taken Whiskerandos prisoner-and was himself an old lover of Tilburina's.. Dang. Admirably managed, indeed. Puff. Now, stand out of their way. Whisk. I thank thee, fortune! that hast thus bestowed A weapon to chastise this insolent. [Takes up one of the swords. Beef. I take thy challenge, Spaniard, and I thank Thee, fortune, too! [Takes up the other sword. Whisk. Vengeance and Tilburina! Beef. Exactly so [They fight, and after the usual number of wounds given, Whiskerandos falls. Whisk. Oh, cursed parry! that last thrust in tierce Was fatal!-Captain, thou hast fenced well! And Whiskerandos quits this bustling scene For all eter Beef.nity-he would have added, but stern death Cut short his being, and the noun at once! Puff. Oh, my dear sir, you are too slow, now mind me. Sir, shall I trouble you to die again? |