burnt out, and lost my little all both times. I lived upon these fires a month. I soon after was confined by a most excruciating disorder, and lost the use of my limbs. That told very well; for I had the case strongly attested, and went about to collect the subscriptions myself. Dang. Egad, I believe that was when you first called on me Puff. What-in November last? Oh, no! I was, when I called on you, a close prisoner in the Marshalsea, for a debt benevolently contracted to serve a friend. I was afterwards twice tapped for a dropsy, which declined into a very profitable consumption. I was then reduced to-Oh, no! then I became a widow with six helpless children,-after having had eleven husbands pressed, and being left every time eight months gone with child, and without money to get me into an hospital! Sneer. And you bore all with patience, I make no doubt? Puff. Why, yes-though I made some occasional attempts at felo de se; but as I did not find those rash actions answer, I left off killing myself very soon. Well, sir, at last, what with bankruptcies, fires, gouts, dropsies, imprisonments, and other valuable calamities, having got together a pretty handsome sum, I determined to quit a business which had always gone rather against my conscience, and in a more liberal way still to indulge my talents for fiction and embellishment, through my favourite channels of diurnal communication-and so, sir, you have my history. Sneer. Most obligingly communicative indeed; and your confession, if published, might certainly serve the cause of true charity, by rescuing the most useful channels of appeal to benevolence from the cant of imposition. But surely, Mr. Puff, there is no great mystery in your present profession? Puff. Mystery! sir, I will take upon me to say the matter was never scientifically treated, nor reduced to rule before. Sneer. Reduced to rule? Puff. Oh, lud, sir! you are very ignorant, I am afraid. Yes, sir,-Puffing is of various sorts-the principal are, The Puff direct-the Puff preliminary— the Puff collateral-the Puff collusive-and the Puff oblique, or Puff by implication. These all assume, as circumstances require, the various forms of-Letter to the Editor-Occasional Anecdote-Impartial Critique -Observation from Correspondent, or Advertisement from the Party. Sneer. The Puff direct, I can conceive Puff. Oh, yes, that's simple enough; for instance, a new comedy or farce is to be produced at one of the theatres (though, by-the-by, they dont bring out half what they ought to do); the author, suppose Mr. Smatter, or Mr. Dapper-or any particular friend of mine-very well; the day before it is to be performed, I write an account of the manner in which it was received-I have the plot from the author-and only add-Characters strongly drawn-highly colouredhand of a master-fund of genuine humour-mine of invention-neat dialogue-attic salt! Then for the performance-Mr. Dodd was astonishingly great in the character of Sir Harry. That universal and judicious actor, Mr. Palmer, perhaps never appeared to more advantage than in the Colonel; but it is not in the power of language to do justice to Mr. King! Indeed he more than merited those repeated bursts of applause which he drew from a most brilliant and judicious audience! As to the scenery-The miraculous powers of Mr. De Loutherbourg's pencil are universally acknowledged! In short, we are at a loss which to admire most-the unrivalled genius of the author, the great attention and liberality of the managers-the wonderful abilities of the painter, or the incredible exertions of all the performers! do. Sneer. That's pretty well indeed, sir. Puff. Oh, cool-quite cool-to what I sometimes Sneer. And do you think there are any who are influenced by this? Puff. Oh, lud! yes, sir; the number of those who undergo the fatigue of judging for themselves is very small indeed! Sneer. Well, sir, the Puff preliminary? Puff. Oh, that, sir, does well in the form of a caution. In a matter of gallantry now-Sir Flimsy Gossamer wishes to be well with Lady Fanny Fete-He applies to me-I open trenches for him with a paragraph in the Morning Post. It is recommended to the beautiful and accomplished Lady F four stars F dash E to be on her guard against that dangerous character, Sir F dash G; who, however pleasing and insinuating his manners may be, is certainly not remarkable for the constancy of his attachments-in Italics. Here, you see, Sir Flimsy Gossamer is introduced to the particular notice of Lady Fanny-who perhaps never thought of him before-she finds herself publicly cautioned to avoid him, which naturally makes her desirous of seeing him; the observation of their acquaintance causes a pretty kind of mutual embarrassment, this produces a sort of sympathy of interest, which, if Sir Flimsy is unable to improve effectually, he at least gains the credit of having their names mentioned together, by a particular set, and in a particular way, which, nine times out of ten, is the full accomplishment of modern gallantry. Dang. Egad, Sneer, you will be quite an adept in the business. Puff. Now, sir, the Puff collateral is much used as an appendage to advertisements, and may take the form of anecdote. Yesterday, as the celebrated George Bon-Mot was sauntering down St. James' Street, he met the lively Lady Mary Myrtle coming out of the park:-"Good God, Lady Mary, I'm surprised to meet you in a white jacket, for I expected never to have seen you, but in a full-trimmed uniform and a light horseman's cap!" "Heavens, George, where could you have learned that?" "Why," replied the wit, "I just saw a print of you in a new publication called The Camp Magazine, which, by-the-by, is a devilish clever thing, and is sold at No. 3, on the right hand of the way, two doors from the printing office, the corner of Ivy Lane, Paternoster Row, price only one shilling!" Sneer. Very ingenious indeed! Puff. But the Puff collusive is the newest of any; for it acts in the disguise of determined hostility. It is much used by bold booksellers and enterprising poets. An indignant correspondent observes-that the new poem called "Beelzebub's Cotillon; or, Proserpine's Fête Champêtre," is one of the most unjustifiable performances he ever read! The severity with which certain characters are handled is quite shocking! And as there are many descriptions in it too warmly coloured for female delicacy, the shameful avidity with which this piece is bought by all people of fashion is a reproach on the taste of the times, and a disgrace to the delicacy of the age! Here you see the two strongest inducements are held forth: First, that nobody ought to read it; and, secondly, that every body buys it; on the strength of which, the publisher boldly prints the tenth edition, before he had sold ten of the first; and then establishes it by threatening himself with the pillory, or absolutely indicting himself for scan. mag. Dang. Ha! ha! ha! egad, I know it is so. Puff. As to the Puff oblique, or Puff by implication, it is too various and extensive to be illustrated by an instance; it branches into so many varieties, that it is the last principal class of the art of puffing-an art which, I hope, you will now agree with me, is of the highest dignity. Sneer. Sir, I am completely a convert both to the importance and ingenuity of your profession; and now, sir, there is but one thing which can possibly increase my respect for you, and that is, your permitting me to be present this morning at the rehearsal of your new trage Puff. Hush, for heaven's sake. My tragedy! Egad, Dangle, I take this very ill-you know how apprehensive I am of being known to be the author.. Dang. I'faith I would not have told-but it's in the papers, and your name at length in the Morning Chronicle. Puff. Ah! those damned editors never can keep a secret! Well, Mr. Sneer-no doubt you will do me great honour-I shall be infinitely happy-highly flattered Dang. I believe it must be near the time--shall we go together? Puff. No; it will not be yet this hour, for they are always late at that theatre: besides, I must meet you there, for I have some little matters here to send to the papers, and a few paragraphs to scribble before I go. [Looking at memorandums.] Here is "a Conscien |