power superior to my own drove me from it. Through fear and horror, I went from place to place, groaning under the continual apprehensions of eternal destruction; a terror to myself, and to all around me. I was tempted to try to get rid of all thoughts of religion and a future state. I went so far, that I could not bear religious conversation, but used to get away from it, and hide the bible, and other religious books. But this would not do: I got worse and worse, and was compelled to search the scriptures, and that more than ever, for something to ease my troubled mind; and was compelled also to come and hear you, for there was no one else, at this time, from whom I received any ease. I often experienced relief while you was in your prayer; and indeed it seemed as if the Lord put words in your mouth, purposely to suit iny case; but, as soon as your prayer was over, you was led in your sermon to draw the line between a professor and a possessor, or a hypocrite and a real child of God; and you discovered my very thoughts, insomuch, that I was clearly convinced I was nothing but a Pharisee, not a child of God.

About this time a professor asked me my mind respecting you, and how I could ever go to hear you, after I had been brought into so much. trouble under you. I was enabled then to say, and that in confidence, that if any in London were right, you was; and I had light sufficient to see that he was in as bad a state as myself, only

his eyes were holden, that he could not see it. Several persons brought promises from the word of God which were suitable to my case: but I told them I could not believe; I could see the safety of those who did believe in Jesus; but, if they would give me the whole world, I could not believe.

The Lord, for some time, had prospered every thing I put my hand to; and my getting something of a name among the people with whom I dealt, lifted me up. But these very people, whose esteem I so much prized, were to see me in my desperate condition: for one day, in all my trouble, I went to 'Change; and what I went for, I know not; but, from my appearance, they concluded I was mad; and from this I became the talk and jest of them all. I was at last obliged to take to my bed, which I kept for eight days together: and it is amazing how manifestly the Lord supported me, for I would not take any thing that was recommended, either as food or physic. Satan often came as a familiar spirit indeed, for I was not without his temptations and arguings the whole five months. That text in Isaiah, "Tophet is ordained of old, &c." lay much on my mind; and it was so impressed on my spirit, that I have had my soul, as it were, carried down amongst the fiends, and thought I could see the very place and manner of their punishment. Satan had such possession of my heart and tongue, that he made me do what I never did before, namely, curse and

swear.

When he began his temptations one morning, I said, 'Here I am, only created to live about twenty-two years, have always been harassed by Satan, have called continually to be delivered from sin in vain, and am now going to hell,' for I thought it impossible to live the day out, 'What a *** being must God be!' I felt a trembling seize me the next moment; upon which I said, 'Now all is over, I have now committed the unpardonable sin! In my desperate fit, I thought of a sword which I used to keep by my bedside, and said, 'That will soon make an alteration, for hell cannot be worse than what I feel.' I got out of bed in a moment; and I believe, if the Lord had not moved my sister to displace it, under some apprehensions of this kind, I should have killed myself; for, when I found I was disappointed, I smote my hands against the bedstead, and beat off part of the flesh, in my rage. But, what is amazing! under all my trouble, whenever there was a little cessation, which was never long, I feared that I was coming out the wrong way, and prayed earnestly to God, if it was so, to plunge me deeper, if necessary, so as not to let me come forth any other way than his own, and with a saving knowledge and experience of Jesus Christ. My spirit, at such times, was seemingly absent from the body, (not in my sleep, but when lying in my bed awake) roving in the air; and I thought I could see the world under me; and the language of my heart was,

"O that I knew where I might find him! it might be, that I might find mercy!' But, after this, a gloomy horror seized me: and there seemed, at times, a carelessness of what became of me. The adversary suggested, Perhaps the doctrine of universal salvation may be true thus far, that, after the reign of the saints one thousand years, the wicked might be delivered.' I searched, to find out whether the words, ever, and, everlasting, might not mean a term. I also inquired what the hebrew words were, and procured the best of dictionaries. But, the more I searched, the more the light which was within convinced me it was not as I then wished. This, and many other particular errors, the devil tried, at different times, to draw me into, it seems, to make me stop or rest short of Jesus Christ; but, blessed be the Lord, as fast as I caught hold of any thing of the kind, he cut it off, and drove me from my false refuges, sometimes by your preaching, and sometimes by texts of scripture, and plunged me deeper and deeper. It was given out by some, that religion had driven me mad: my relations and friends said the same; and one spoke very desperately against you. It pleased the Lord, however, at this time, to strike one of the family, who is no friend to religion, with actual madness, (such I never was;) which stopped the mouths of

some.

After I had uttered the words before hinted at, I came to hear you; and your text was,

"Curse not the King; no, not in thy heart: nor the rich in thy chamber, &c." I was then most completely miserable; and said, 'O that I was any other person in the chapel, or any other creature upon earth! then there might be room for hope: but there is none for me; I have sinned the unpardonable sin!' When I came out, I asked a member of the chapel, whether he thought that any one had ever uttered such words, and yet was saved? He said, he was assured that the Lord never permitted his people to go so far. I said no more, but went on; and begged of God, if he would not pardon me, to cut me down before I got home. But, O the goodness, patience, and wonderful mercy, of God! for, though I had thus tempted him, he permitted me, though I trembled through fear when I drew near, to get safe home: and afterwards, in my sleep, I had the following vision. I saw a hand stretched forth, with a book in it; and heard a voice saying, 'Your name is written in the Book of Life.' I asked to see it. The book opened, and I read my name with John Bunyan's on the same line: and I can now well remember the hand-writing; it was as legible a hand as I ever saw. After I had read it, I asked, if there were none, whose names were written in that book, who would be lost at last? The voice answered, Look at the end of the line.' I did, and perceived the two capital letters, E. L. I asked their meaning, and was answered, Everlasting Life. Upon which I withdrew.