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trict and religious living. On I went, notwithstanding the many and great oppofitions I found myself encompaffed with, abounding and encreafing, rather than declining or abating, either in duties or ardent zeal in doing them. My proficiency in morality, and the advances I made in zeal for the church and the liturgy, and fervice thereof, were fo confpicuous and manifeft, that I became the talk of almost all forts of people, especially those who stood related to my family. Letters and perfons, who past to and fro, giving an account, in city and country, what a ftrange alteration and admirable change there appeared in their coufin J. Barry, and what a great and wonderful practifer of piety he was become. This was fo noised abroad, that I could scarce look or speak, or pass in or out where people were, but I had fomewhat or other brought into difcourfe concerning my forwardness and zeal in religion. And notwithstanding I was at that time but an hypocritical formalift, and a painted legalift, knowing nothing of Jefus Chrift, and the covenant of grace, no not fo much as in the notion, yet I was frequently troubled and exceedingly afhamed to hear mention made of my activity and zeal in ferving and worshipping God; fo far was I from either defigning or defiring to make the world privy to my intention of going to heaven.

And that which fpeaks the thing the more ftrange is, to confider the circumstances of time

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and place, neither of which afforded any thing that might contribute the least part of a motive, or an inducement, to put me on looking towards or fo much as thinking of converfion, there being no preaching in thofe parts, the ordinary means by which convictions in order to faith and converfion are effected; nor yet the example or advice and counsel of any perfon, which might occafion in me fuch thoughts or workings of foul.

In this way I continued for about fix or seven years after my firft awakenings, frequenting the church and its appointed fervice, and growing blind in pharifaical zeal for the moral law and divine-fervice book, until I had, in my own apprehenfion and conceit, arrived at a high pitch of confidence, that I was, beyond all difpute, really converted, and that confequently I fhould be faved, and go to heaven. Yea, I did frequently reckon and account with myself, that if but two in the world fhould go to heaven I fhould certainly be one of the two; and that because I was certainly converted, and had taken fo much and great pains in doing good and fhunning evil. I had no fear or jealoufy lodged in me about God's accepting my perfon, and his having regard to my numerous and zealous performances of duty, both private and public.

My extraordinary inclinations to the miniftry, and that matchlefs zeal which appeared in me for the church; that love and veneration I had for its liturgy,

liturgy, ceremonies, and clergy, especially its pre lacy, gave my father and other relations great hopes that I fhould be an honour to the family, and a man of no ordinary figure in the orb of the church.

CHA P. III.

Setting forth the manner in which the fpirit of bondage feized me, in the very height of my confidence, of being in a good and Jure ftate of falvation; what Jad work it made with me, and what means I used for help and relief under its killing and finking weight.

WHEN I was about twenty-one years of age, in the very heat and height of my zeal in profecuting that righteoufnefs, confifting of that negative and pofitive obedience which the law morally enjoins and requires as the condition of life and falvation, it pleafed God to fend forth the spirit of bondage to feize me, to the end I might be instructed, and fully convinced, how vain my confidence of being faved and going to heaven, in that self-pleasing way of legal righteousness, was. The manner of it was thus: being, on the day called Eafter

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Fafter Monday, at my cathedral devotion, in the place called Christchurch, in Dublin; a place I conftantly frequented to morning and evening service, and a place which I more zealously loved and venerated than any place in the world befides; for that I verily conceited in myself was as the very entrance into heaven itself; after the fervice was ended, one Dr. Golborn preached; his text was in Ephef. v. 14. Wherefore he faith, Awake thou that Sleepest, and arife from the dead, and Chrift fhall give thee light.

A good and choice text; but how well or ill handled I must acknowledge myself to have been, at that time, a very incompetent judge to say or determine. About the middle of the fermon, as near as I could guefs, there was darted into my mind this fad and killing thought, viz. that I had the day before received the facrament unworthily, which fad thought was backed with that of 1 Cor. xi. 29. For be that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself, not difcerning the Lord's body.

This fad and difinal thought, backed, as I faid, with that scripture juft now quoted, and not any word fpoken by the preacher, was that which feized my mind, and let in the fpirit of bondage upon me.

No fooner had I looked this Пedequos, or Forerunner, of the fpirit of bondage in the face, comparing it with the place already mentioned, but I concluded

concluded myself a loft and an undone man. My fpirit was in fuch an amazing fright and overwhelming confternation, to think that I was most certainly damned to all intents and purposes, that indeed I verily thought all the people in the place were a swarm or a legion of devils, which God, in revengeful wrath, had fent from the bottomlefspit to guard and attend my guilty foul thither.

The apprehenfions 1 had of being damned and fent to hell fo racked and tormented my spirit that I found myself unable to stay till fermon was ended. Away I ran out of that place, to fhun, as I then thought, those swarms of devils, which I strongly conceived were to guard me to hell. As foon as I came to my Lord of Santry's, where I then lived, I entered my chamber with a fad and heavy heart, God knows; and to my knees I go, with an intent} to pray, if so be there might be any scrap of hope of my escaping being eternally damned. But, alas! what tongue or pen can relate the pafs and condition I was then at: my reafon, my confcience, and my very speech, were, as it were, plunged and drowned in the gulph of defpair, fo that I could neither utter a word in prayer, nor yet confider: what I fhould do to relieve my bleeding foul in that fore diftrefs. I durft not abide in my cham ber, fearing to fee and feel the devils actually to feize me. To the minifter of the parish I went,. from whofe hands I received the facrament but. the day before, not knowing but that he might adminifter

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